


The Hamish Watson-Holmes Blog

by HamishMalcolmWatsonHolmes



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Blogging, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-14 20:57:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2202867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HamishMalcolmWatsonHolmes/pseuds/HamishMalcolmWatsonHolmes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hi! My name is Hamish, and my parents are Sherlock and John. </p><p>I was reading my Father and Dad's old blogs and I decided to make my own!</p><p>Here are my adventures, so please, take a seat.</p><p>It's going to be one hell of a ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 221b World War III

_The Hamish Watson-Holmes Blog_

 

**Entry #1**

(22nd July)

 

So I was reading Dad's blogs the other night on my parents past adventures and I decided as a 17 year old kid I would document my life and the social adventures I will eventually go on. 

But now I have to make a decision. Should I start on my life from this entry on? Or should I bring up previous stories from my past and then move on when something exciting in my life comes around?

Well as I had nothing prepared for this entry, I m ight as well reminisce on old times. A good story might be the day my parents split up.

 

_221b World War III_

(S is for Father and J is for Dad (H is obviously me))

S: Hamish, how many times need I remind you? Don't put the eyes in the open without being submerged in liquid.

J: Sherlock, I thought we had gotten over this stuff. No more experiments.

S: I'm sorry, but my son wants to learn, may it be biology or history I will teach him.

H: Yeah Dad everything's cool. I'll clean up. 

J: Fine, clean up so I can make dinner in a sanitised area. I shouldn't be having to make dinner with Mrs Hudson's kitchen. 

H: Sorry Dad...  
 

Father and Dad kinda had a stare off but when I handed him some test tubes he shook out of it and moved them to our lab cabinet. Then we had dinner and it was awesome veal steaks.  
 

J: Hamish, mind if you help me with the dishes?

H: Father and I was going to practice our violin and cello duet after dinner. 

J: Oh really? So I'm the only one who's going to clean up all of our messes? 

H: Sorry Dad, I begged Father for weeks. 

S: Hamish! I've got our instruments! 

H: Coming!  
 

So yeah practice was a blast and Father is kinda awesome with constructive criticism although if you didn't know him you'd might think he was an asshole. During this time my Dad was absolutely livid. He looked like he was going to kick Father out of bed. After practice I picked up my chemistry textbook and started to leisurely read.  
 

J: What are you reading? 

H: Textbook. 

J: Hm lovely. 

S: Oh chemistry. You can come into the lab and we can do experiments with chemicals. Molly won't mind. 

J: No. 

S: Excuse me? 

J: No, Hamish is not going to play in the lab with you and Molly. 

H: That's not fair! 

S: Yes John, you're being unreasonable. 

J: Unreasonable! Are you kidding me! Sherlock Holmes, don't you test me. 

S: Give me one good reason why my son shouldn't go to the labs. 

J: It's unsafe for a 16 year old boy! 

S: I was messing with chemicals way before. He's also my son, his DNA is begging him to start experiments. 

J: Don't you dare use that against me! He is my son too! I want him to be safe! 

S: And what about his hopes and dreams? Just because you had to go to the army to be a doctor, doesn't mean that Hamish has to take shortcuts! 

J: How dare you! How low can you be to say such things like this! You would never use my past against me if you truly loved me! 

S: Well maybe I don't! 

J: Oh really? Well then what is the point of even staying here if I'm not loved? 

H: Wait Dad...  
 

Dad continued to stand and walk to the door and down the stairs, exiting from 221b for the final time. It was horrible. You could hear Father cry 'John!' For a few minutes until the taxi couldn't be seen.  

I don't think my Father is capable of tears but as of this moment, he looked on the verge of bawling his eyes out. His eyes rimmed red and he looked at me with a wide expression. So confused. He unconsciously wrapped his arms around me tightly. 

My Father never initiates a hug, but it looked to be he was on the verge of shattering. 

So that is the story on how my parents split up. It's been 4 months and they've just got to sign the divorce papers. Dad's signed his and now it's up to Father to sign as well. I hope everyday that he doesn't succumb and tries to get Dad back.


	2. There's Something About Mary

_The Hamish Watson-Holmes Blog_

 

**Entry #2**

(29th July)

 

Holy mother of Sauron! It's been a week since I've said my sob story and how so many things has happen during this time! Lemme give you a god damned list!

**1)** Father came over to Cheshire to talk things over with Dad

**2)** Dad introduced Father and I to his new girlfriend Mary

**3)** I ran away to live with Father

**4)** Dad came down to London and got bombarded by Uncle Mycroft.

 

Oh good lord of things dead and decaying, this was a crazy few days. So starting off, I called Father and told him that I wanted him to come up to at least talk to Dad about getting back together.

 

That conversation went lovely.

 

_There's Something About Mary (and it's that she is_ not _apart of our family)_

 

(You know the drill S = 'Sherlock' J = 'John' M = 'Mycroft' M3 = Mary H = Me!)

 

H: Father!

S: Hi Hamish. Where is your Dad?

H: Back room. Come in!

S: How are you?

H: I'm alright... Hey Dad, look who's here to visit!

J: Oh is it- Sherlock.

S: Please just listen for a minute.

J: Just spit it out Sherlock.

S: John I am so so sorry. I know you are just as much as Hamish's father as I am and you raised him from a baby. He is nothing like me and I am terribly sorry. Please come back-

J: Did you really think I'd come back?

S: Why not?

J: Sherlock we are done. I cannot keep up with you anymore. I have forgotten why I married you in the first place. 

S: We got married because we love each other and wanted a life together. As long as we both shall live, remember?

J: Sherlock we are never going to be together forever. I can't control you and you infuriate me to no end. The only thing that is great about us is our son.

S: You won't even stay with me for Hamish's sake? 

J: Why would I subject myself to that? Anyway, I have found someone else. They should be here any moment.

S: You found someone else?

 

The doorbell rings and I am very confused. This is news to me as well. I have never even suspected someone else. Perhaps all of the pub days with his doctor friend was actually dinner dates with this new person. Dad goes up to the door and opens it to reveal a lady with short blond hair and the most innocent expression. 

Deductions flew through my mind. She looked insanely innocent with her blue shirt, black skirt and cardigan. She even used hair clips. Hair clips! How much more of an expression of 'suspicious' can you get?

What she does for a living, well I'll have to look further but my Dads irritated expression of how Father and I were both deducing this lady made me stop.

 

M3: Hey John! Who's this?

J: Oh this is my son Hamish, and my ex-husband Sherlock.

S: We are actually still married.

J: But getting a divorce.

S: We're just separated.

J: Anyway, Hamish, be polite and say hello.

H: Hello.

J: Hamish...

H: Hello, my name is Hamish Watson-Holmes and I am 17 years old. I am in grade 12 and I take the classes Chemistry, Biology, Advanced Math, Modern History and French. I aspire to be a forensic analyst and my Dad is using you as a rebound.

J: Hamish! 

 

Well, I think I cut out a lot of my speech but I was doing it to be sarcastic. I think I even mentioned my favourite colour was navy blue or something and then when I said that she was his rebound I ran out of the room. But for the sake of my blog, I stood behind the wall to listen to the rest of the conversation.

 

J: I am so sorry about that.

M3: No no, it's fine. I can understand why he would feel this way.

S: But you don't. 

J: Sherlock, please not right now.

M3: I don't get it.

S: You think he is mad at you because you are replacing me in John's life. Am I right?

M3: Perhaps..,

S: Well, your wrong. He's actually irritated with you and John because you are ruining his plans to get us back together.

M3: Isn't that the same thing?

S: Not exactly. They belong to the same context, although completely two different thought processes. If it was your theory, he would be crying right now, although if I know my son, he is behind that wall listening to see if he can formulate a new game plan. Am I right Hamish?

 

This happened exactly! I am not even lying. To be fair, my Father is Sherlock Watson-Holmes. So because he called me out I sighed and shuffled from behind the wall.

 

H: Hey. 

J: Is your Father right?

H: Why do you asks dumb questions like that?

M3: Hamish, your responsibility is not to get your parents back together. If they truly love one another, they will do it on their own.

H: You don't think I was sneaky with my plans?

 

This question was the finishing of my deductions. Mary has a habit of asking questions to other adults and giving advice to younger people. She is either a teacher or a police officer. I decided police officer as she looks to have stress lines that could come from stressful life or death situations.

But she didn't seem to be police as she doesn't have that demeanour and she wouldn't be ashamed and have to put on a an innocent facade. My question was to test if she was some sort of international spy or something. If she said I was sneaky, she would be a police or something. If she tried to correct me then she was something more.

 

J: Mary and I have to go.

H: No but seriously Mary! Wasn't I sneaky?

M3: Just let your parents work it out.

 

She avoided the question. SHE AVOIDED THE QUESTION! *BLINKING LIGHTS* *CAR ALARMS* *SCREAMING* *SCREECHING METAL* SHE’S A FREAKING SPY! SHE IS THE SNEAKIEST OUT OF ALL OF US! Suspicious alright, her innocent face was covering up her spot as a secret agent for some Russian mafia or something.

So they left to go on the date and I had all of my info tucked under my belt. Father seemed suspicious as well, so it seemed we were on the same page. Anyway, he made me dinner and left later and I created the plan to ambush Mary when they came back.

Few hours later and the door opens. I run up and Mary is in my Dad's arms. She has a huge smile but Dad wasn't smiling at all. I knew he still loves Father but he won't go back on his decision because his military pride won't let him.

Anyway, the plan went into effect. And I was so angry.

 

H: I know what you are!

M3: Excuse me?

H: You're a spy. Or a secret agent. And you have been lying to my Dad. 

J: Hamish what is wrong with you?

M3: John I don't- 

H: Stop lying to my dad! Stop it!

J: Hamish! Room! Now!

H: No dad you don't understand! She's a spy! She's probably going to kill me and make it look like an accident! Father will never forgive you!

J: I won't listen to your childish whining, go to bed.

H: I don't even know why I even try talking to you. Your not even my actual dad. 

J: Hamish...

H: Piss off. I hope she kills you.

J: Where are you going?

H: I called Uncle Mycroft, he's taking me to Father's.

 

So that was that. I kinda went dramatic about the whole scenario. I get that from Father. I was just sick and tired of Dad behaviour and I was just ready to leave. Number 4 came around the day after.

I slept in my room at 221b and around 8 am there was a knock on the door. I think Father was already awake so he went to open the door. My bedroom is upstairs so the noise travels perfectly up to me. I sat on the third to the top stair and waited for them to kiss and make up.

Jokes.

 

S: Hello John, it's good to see you.

J: I'm here to pick up Hamish.

S: Well I don't think he wants to go back with you. He's not really interested with Secret Agent Mary. 

J: She's not a bloody spy Sherlock. Hamish was just upset.

S: You don't think your son is smart? I'd have to say he's got a long ways to go but he came to the same conclusion as I did at least 7 minutes later then I did. 

J: Mary is perfectly fine. And even if she was a spy, she's not hurting anyone.

S: That is what spy's want you to think.

J: I'm going to wake up Hamish. It's a school day and he needs to go.

S: I think he can stay home today. 

J: He is living with me right now, so he goes to school today. 

S: That's untrue as, he is in his bed at my house right now.

J: Stop joking around Sherlock! Stop it! This isn't a game! This is my son’s life. He can’t just be shuffled between houses and be take across the city by your brother! He needs a stable home!

S: Then why don't you just come home John?

J: Because we are having a divorce Sherlock!

S: No John. You're having a divorce. I want you and Hamish back.

J: Grow up.

 

And then, all I hear is the door slam open and my Father sigh.

 

S: Why are you here?

M: I wanted to check up on Hamish.

J: He's fine! I'm just picking him up.

S: No you're not. He's staying with me.

M: John, I just want to say something. This goes for you too Sherlock.

J: Go ahead.

M: Last night I woke up with the distressed call of my nephew asking me to take him to his Father's house. I was very confused why he didn't just ask you, but he told me that his Dad was dating a dangerous person. I have known Hamish an Sherlock my whole life and never have I heard someone sound so distressed and genuinely concerned. I have no idea what you guys have been doing, but you had better fix it for my nephew's sake.

S: I didn't realise...

M: In the meantime he's coming with me. I'll go get him.

 

Yeah, none of them really said anything in retaliation, which I found funny because Uncle Mycroft is a giant teddy bear. I heard his footsteps and he came up, not surprised I was eavesdropping. He told me to get dressed and pack my bag and we got into his limo.

So that had been my week! It was crazy, I stayed with Uncle Mycroft till Saturday and then I went to Fathers for the weekend. Now I'm back at Dads. Everything is really tense but hopefully I can try to fix it all up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Visit my parents blogs!
> 
> Dad
> 
> Father


	3. Chapter 3

_The Hamish Watson-Holmes Blog_

 

**Entry #3  
  
**

(2nd, August)

 

Hello everyone! So I wanted to clear up a few questions everyone might be thinking! Okay so my full name is Hamish Malcolm Watson-Holmes and I was conceived by my father and a surrogate lady named Ms Amy Michaelson. I was born on the 14th of April 1997 at 3:15 pm.   


I kinda look exactly like my father as you can see here:

Blue eyes, black/brown hair, grumpy, the whole shebang. I look nothing like my biological mother.... Wait! I'll be right back, making a family tree. 

So this looks less like a tree and more like my horrible scrawl and shite. I thought iPad applications would be better then this but whatever.   


Anyway! So I have no pictures of my grandparents from my Dads side as, well, he hates them and they never met me before. But I see Aunt Harry ever month or so which is pretty awesome.   


I see Gran and Pop every Easter and Christmas. They want to see me more but our lives have gotten a heck of a lot busier. You know with the whole divorce and stupid spy government agent for the queen bitch Mary.    


No no, she's lovely! Cute as a button! I hope she can be my mum! 

  
Piss off Mary no one like you.  


I'm back with Dad and everything is really tense. She comes over now and asks me how I am. Like seriously, no. And I know I'm being whiny and childish but she is horrible for lying to all of our faces. 

  
Nothing interesting happened this week except I went over Father's and he was taking client again. We kinda bonded over that and figuring out the mundane problems of who’s wife is sleeping with who and who killed their husband.

  
Father enjoys this even though he doesn't say. He loves to mock peoples lives and the only people who can tell is me and Dad. It's like crappy Dad jokes.

  
Anyway, since I'm talking about my family, and nothing really happened this week other then my vendetta against the horrid liar Mary, causing me not to talk to Dad anymore! I thought I might tell you my favourite childhood story about my extended family that consists of Molly, Greg and Mrs Hudson. 

 

_The Birds and the Bees_

 

(G = Greg M2 = Molly MH = Mrs Hudson and the rest you get the picture.)

 

*I am just going to put this out there, I was 5 at the time and I hardly remember so this is based a lot on what others have told me*

 

So some bases on the story, it was my birthday so Father and Dad invited Uncle Mycroft, Greg, Mrs Hudson and Molly. 

 

It was great, had a cake, prezzies and yeah. So I blew out the candles and made my wish, and Dad cut up the cake and gave slices for everyone. I was eating my slice because you know, I was a big boy but I was jittery and the cake fell on me. 

 

The cake mushed on my skin and clothes and Mrs Hudson caught it straight away.

 

MH: Oh Hamish! Silly billy. Come on let's wash you up. How about a bath?

H: Okay. Sorry about that...

MH: It's alright honey! Sherlock!

S: Yes Mrs Hudson?

MH: I'm going to give Hamish a bath.

S: Okay.

So we go to the bathroom and I strip and find cake on my legs and hair. Mrs Hudson just laughs and puts the water on. I hop in and she starts to get some soap.

MH: Hamish, your hair is so dark! And very thick. Oh we are going to go through a whole bottle on you!

H: No we aren't! Daddy says I have pretty hair.

MH: Yes you will. You're going to have the same hair as Father.

H: Mrs Hudson...

MH: What's the matter?

H: Do any of my Dads have a vagina?

 

Apparently, according to Mrs Hudson, she laughed so hard that she sounded like she was in pain causing Molly to come racing in the room with Dad. They came into the scene with me very confused in the bathtub and Mrs Hudson, red faced, holding a rag and soap leaning over laughing like a galah.  

 

J: Mrs Hudson what's wrong! Hamish are you alright?

M2: I'm grabbing a towel.

J: Mrs Hudson? Hamish what happened?

M2: Come here Hamish. I'll dry you up.

J: I'll pick her up and bring her to the living room.

M2: Alright, I'll dress him. Hamish, what happened to Mrs Hudson?

H: I don't know! I mean, we were in the bath talking about daddy and father and you know, you need a egg and sperm to make a baby so I asked her if Daddy had a vagina! 

 

And Molly was caught with the feat of giggles, heaving heavily trying to breathe through the mad of chuckles she was in. I remember her with the towel around me shaking violently. She was laughing so hard it was silent and nothing came out of her mouth.

 

H: Dad! Father! Molly's infected too!

 

I'm pretty sure this made her laugh more, she just crumbled. So yeah Father came in the bathroom very confused.

 

S: Hamish? Oh Molly... What is the matter with you?

M2: I- I- I- Hahahahahaha!

H: I'm really cold Father...

S: Yes alright. Molly, go in the living room. Hamish come here I'll change you.

M2: Bahahah!

S: Hamish, what did you tell Mrs Hudson and Molly?

H: No, I'm not saying anything. Your going to go crazy!

S: I promise I won't.

H: No! I love you and Dad most! I'll tell Greg.

S: Well well, aren't you a smart boy.

H: Thanks for the help, I'm going to see what's going on. 

J: Oh Hamish, did Father fix you up?

H: Yup! Um, Greg?

G: Yes Hamish?

H: I said something to Molly and Mrs Hudson and they went silly, so I will tell you because you won't go crazy so you can tell Daddy and Father. 

G: Well I'll try, hit me.

H: Okay so Father told me that to make a baby you need and egg and sperm. If my daddies made me, does that mean that Dad has a vagina?

G: SHERLOCK!!!

H: What?

M: Goodness me, my nephew is quite smart.

J: What's the matter Greg?

G: Hamish, did you want to ask your Dad that question?

H: Dad? Do you have a vagina?

J: Hamish! God no! I'm a boy- who told you that?

H: Father said to make babies you need a vagina and a penis. The penis has sperm and in the vagina there is an egg. If I was born Father or you must have a vagina.

J: Okay, that is all right and your correct, but you were born in a lady... Listen I'll tell you when everyone's gone okay.

H: Fine. But you'd better have a good explanation why you don't have eggs.

 

What I child I was. Too smart for my own shoes I suppose. I am way more smarter then the average teen, but I always act socially acceptable even when I don't want to. Anyway, I think that's my time for today folks! See you soon!


End file.
